He needs help . . .

I don't even know if it's written in English, but he wouldn't stop crying until I promised to post this.

O, that this grand grand actress Molly Ringwald would act sing and perform to amazingness!
Or that the casting director had not cast her in "Not Another Teen Movie"
Her ability to have red hair! So Puffy! So Puffy!
How red, curly, and 80s-ish looking,
Must be the 8th Wonder Of The World!
Perm it! Oh hair! 'tis really fuzzy, like a Chia Pet,
That grows like an exotic pet; maybe coming from Ukraine
Merely don't cut it. That it should come to the hair salon!
But two months and it may need to be cut: nay, not so much hair, after the cutting.
So excellent a crop of hair: that was, to the Gods,
Fluffy red hair to a thing of beauty; so loving to thy head
That the head might double in order to have two fluffy puffs of red
Visit this head with care! Barbers and Salonists!
Must you be wearing a whig? Why, she no way in hell,
As if the hair of the Great Ringwald had fallen off
By what hair products it fed on: and yet, it looks natural--
Let me not care about it-- Hair Products, thy name is L'Oreal!--
A little snip, or ere the hair grows rank
With which she followed her good father's genes,
Like Zeus, all hair and lightning bolts:-- why shave, even she--
O, Great Ringwald! a master, that wants a starring roll opposite Vin Diesel,
Would have done anything for Vin-- shaved her goddess like hair,
My idol's head, but no more like a sewer rat
Than I to Marie Calendars: whithin a good meal:
Ere yet the chicken of the most delicious pot pie
Had left my bowels like a raging bull.
She snipped her hair: O most quickly after "The Breakfast Club"
With such a bad choice as to "Rocky V"
It is not, nor can it grow back
But grow that fluffy puff O Grand Ringwald; For I really liked you in "Pretty In Pink."

Adam Jacobs
Per 6
I still hate ponies

Shoes, shoes, shoes. . .

Drowning her sorrows in footwear, Lacey Thompson. . .

The Broke Obsessive Shoe Shopper of a Modern Hamlet

O, that these too too high
of prices would melt
Retun and form themeselves into a Sale
Or that the store had not fix'd
It's prices 'gainst my wallet
O God! God!
How pretty, nice, well-made, and expensive
Seem to me all the shoes of this store
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; Shoes nice and cute in this store
Possess it entirely. That I should buy only one pair
But two weeks broke: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a shopper; that was, to this,
Money to a wallet; so loving to my bank
That it might not beteem the winds of buying more
Visit my mind too often. Heaven and earth!
Must I buy only one pair? Why, buy only one
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within two weeks--
Let me not think on't--Frailty, thy name is work!--
A little break, or ere those heels were old
With which I had shopped in many times Like a shoe model, no cares:--why I, even I--
O, God! a girl, who posses more shoes Would have bought more--and modeled them to
My hated obsession, but no more like my homework obsession
Than I to a cheap shopper: within two weeks:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in my galled eyes,
I left O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity in hateful prices!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I must hold my wallet

Lacey Thompson
Per.6

The case for TiVo

Norbert has something to say about those commercials we see on TV.

Ads of a Modern Hamlet

Oh, that this too too gratuitous stream of babble would stop
and become something worth attention
Or that that the remote had been fixed
To make its mute button work again. Oh God, God,
How redundant, monotonous, and aggravating
Seem to me all of these commercials
A pack of self convincing lies
That expand to produce; people obese, depressed and impotent
Possessing them entirely. That they need such drugs!
With three months, three months payments of 19.99, nay not so much three, not
Always three, not if you call at the immediate hour
So excellent the show I was watching that was to this,
My mind a joy and relief,
That the winds from my mother’s screeching vocals could not
Visit my ears too roughly about the mess in my room or some irrelevant matter
But then it comes again…
Must I remember the lines?
“Where does depression hurt? Everywhere! Who does depression hurt? Everyone!”
why they would echo in my mind,
and yet within a month you may return it if you are unsatisfied
Let me not think of it; evil thy name is Viagra!
Month after month, you’d think it would get old
With which follows even more hideous ads
Like Bob, all smiles: why he, even he—
O’ God! A rapist, without any moral values,
Would be less lustful
A happy man, but no more like a happy man
Than someone on Prozac
Prozac…
Within a few hours,
Ere yet the salt of all the tears
Which had gathered in the pits of one’s eyes,
would be replaced with an artificial smile
Oh, most wicked thing, to play
With such dexterity with one’s emotions
It is nor it cannot come to good.
But alas, I must sit and be patient

Norbert Period 6

Say Cheese!!

This is what I meant when I said "pick your own topic." Good job, Laura.

Oh that this too too milk would curdle,
Harden and form a rhine!
Or that the time would come where I could eat that heavenly cheese
How creamy, soft, delicious, and awful it would be to not import that omnipotent cheese!
The curdled bits are like weeds taking over until it consumes the milk-that it should come to cheese!
But two years have gone by, nay, not so much, not two.
So lucky a day to have that cheese with bread
To include cheese with my dinner
Visit my plate with your presence.-Heaven and earth!
Must I remember not eating that cheese?-Why I would eat all of it
Not leaving any of it left
As if my stomach only wanted it filled with cheese
But the only thing I ate was the bread;-and yet within one day-
Let me not think of it!-It is the cheese I can only think of!-
A few more hours! and I can walk down to the store to buy that cheese
Walking down the path I just went only a day ago,
Oh God, a fromagerist would have waited longer-to have that taste in the mouth,
My will could not, it will not
Like I to Fromag de Clorones-With 24 hours!
And I see the cheese which brings tears,
To my eyes ,
I purchase it. Oh how wonderful it is to eat the cheese
To sit there with a piece of bread and cheese on top!
It is only good that will come with my indulgence of expensive cheese
But in the end I will tell myself next time at the market I will try not to buy that cheese.

Laura Lascoe
Per 6

A Babysitter's Lament

Samantha Canez has given us a great one. Please feel free to comment with kudos or encouragement.

O, that these two too loud cries would stop, silence, and form themselves into laughter.
Or that my parents had not insisted on two more children! O Kids! Kids!
How loud, messy, dirty and tiring,
Seem to me all the uses of these kids!
Ay! 'tis a tree of bad apples,
That grows in my garden; things playful and sneaky in nature.
That I could do my homework!
But five years living: nay, seems like forever:
So noisy a child; that were they in their bedroom,
Children to adults; so loving to my mother
That they might not disobey the orders of mother and
Scream in her vicinity too loudly. Heaven and earth!
Must I babysit? why, they would hang on curtains,
As if imitating a monkey's actions
By what they'd seen on tv: and yet, within a month--
Let me not babysit--Ruckus, thy name is child!--
To experience once again the peace and quiet
Would seem too much like heaven,
Too good to be true:--why I, even I--
O, God! a jungle would be silent longer--playing in my room,
My quiet room, but no more quiet
Than the loudest concerts: since 5 years:
Yet the stinging of my makeup from my tired tears
Had left them victorious,
They played. O, most wicked evil, to play
With such noise to worst nightmares!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I must babysit.

Samantha Canez
Period 4

O That Chuck Norris Would Melt!

I want to show you all some examples of the work that I'm getting from your weekend assignment. I encourage you to read these and comment on them. The first is from Robert Nichols.

O, that this too too idiotic Chuck Norris phase would pass,
Die and remain dead itself into a forgotten fad!
Or that the Internet nerds had not fix'd
Their web pages 'gainst Chuck-Norris! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this Name, Chuck Norris!
CHUCK! NORRIS! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. He's just a man!
But two months into the fad: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a joke; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my humor
That his round-house kicks could beteem the winds of heaven
and visit villian's faces too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? why, he would beat on them,
As if increase of ass kickings had grown
By what it beat on: and yet, within a month--
Let me not think on't--Frailty, thy name is a killed joke!--
A little month, or ere those jokes were old
With which people follow'd one joke after the other,
Like Pokemon, all fads:--why he, even he!--
O, God! the Vin Diesel phase, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have last'd longer--a lot like the Norris,
Like Chuck Norris's brother, but no more like Chuck Norris
Than I to David Hasselhoff: within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous jokes
Had left the flushing in his galled Round-House Kicks,
we loved. O, most wicked speed, to let a joke
With such dexterity to let die and burn!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I hate Chuck Norris jokes.

Robert Nichols
Period 6

Hamlet Mad Libs!!!

Above is a photo of Mel Gibson, playing Hamlet, talking to a skull. Keep your jokes to yourself. Now onto business.

You guys have done an amazing job this week! The in-class discussion has been fantastic and the blog responses have been smart, insightful and fun to read. So, I thought we'd have a little fun and get creative.

Read the soliloquy from Act I.ii. Your job is to write a parody of the soliloquy. You will use the format of the original but come up with your own topic. It could be about your math class, going to the doctor's office, practice after school, a bad date. You're free to choose, as long as it is school appropriate. Post your soliloquy as a comment by 10pm on Sunday night.

For guidance, read the "Senioritis Of The Modern Hamlet" handout that I gave you in class.

Go forth and be brilliant!!!

HAMLET
O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? why, she would hang on him,
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within a month--
Let me not think on't--Frailty, thy name is woman!--
A little month, or ere those shoes were old
With which she follow'd my poor father's body,
Like Niobe, all tears:--why she, even she--
O, God! a beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourn'd longer--married with my uncle,
My father's brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules: within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She married. O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue.

O Cursed Spite!

Above is an approximation of what Shakespeare's Globe Theatre might have looked like in 1601. Think of the play being performed on this stage. With Shakespeare as the Ghost! Couple things for review:

1) Hamlet concludes that he is to "put an antic disposition on" (I.v.172). The question is: Why? Perhaps he needs cover in case he kills Claudius. Perhaps he will use this facade to throw people off their guard. Think about it this way: people are less likely to consider you a threat if they think that you are stupid, crazy, or impaired in some way.

So, I will ask this again. How has even Hamlet fallen into this trap of deception and dissembling?

2) I promised you a cool little fact. Go to your books and reread lines 149-152. The Ghost screams from below, "Swear!" Hamlet, responds happily with an "Ah ha, boy!" and demands that his friends "hear this fellow in the cellarage." What's funny about this? I shall tell you.

In the Shakespearean theatre, offstage voices usually came from the wings or below the stage. We know from the stage directions that the Ghost's voice comes from "beneath" the stage. What was the common term for the area below the stage? That's right. Say it with me. The "cellarage." Hamlet is literally telling his friends to listen to the guy below the stage!

Shakespeare is so confident of his abilities that he has his actors stop for a brief second in the middle of everything and acknowledge that they are indeed actors and indeed in a play. It's a wink to the audience that shows Shakespeare knows exactly what he's doing. That he has the utmost faith in his story and in his ability to tell it. Shakespeare, at this point, knows that he is in the zone and can do whatever he wants. For all you basketball fans, this is Shakespeare's version of Kobe going for 81.

Here are some things to ponder and discuss:

1.Study the Ghost's speech (I.v.41-91). Now turn back and study Hamlet's first soliloquy (I.ii.129-159). Upon studying both speeches, make the case that the Ghost is an apparition sent to tempt Hamlet into evil and not an "honest ghost," as Hamlet tells Horatio.

2. Hamlet believes it is a "cursed spite" that he must be the one to right these wrongs. Discuss all the reasons why he might feel this way.

3. Finally, what do you think so far?

Post comments with you name and period.

If I reject your comments. . .

It just means that you are posting the same comments more than once. On that note, STOP POSTING COMMENTS MORE THAN ONCE. Ok bye.

You're Doing Good Work. . . Now One More Thing

I'm noticing that all of you seem to see Polonius the same way. Furthermore, by definition, Claudius as a politician will have at his core a concern for image. I'm impressed by the insights that some of you have our young Prince Hamlet. The last comment by Robert Nichols (and I apologize to all those who also had this thought), pointed out that Hamlet's concern for Denmark's reputation is similar to the concerns of the rest of the characters. No character escapes this trap. I'm beginning to think that the key here is intent.

Is this an indicator of just how corrupt Denmark is? Think about it. Continue posting comments in "Rank and Unweeded Garden."

Leaving Comments

ATTENTION SCHOLARS!

You'll be able to see comments if you either A: Click on the "Comments" link under the post, or B: Look over to "Previous Posts" and you will find the name of the posting. Go forth and be brilliant!!!

A Rank and Unweeded Garden

We're coming up on Act I Scenes 4-5 (I.iv-v).

Remember the dominant theme that has developed during this act. This is a corrupt kingdom where there is a distinct difference between what things seem and what things are. Ask yourselves the following:
How do the characters show this?
Go further. How does Polonius show his true colors in I.iii?
How does Claudius show himself to be more concerned about image than reality?
How does even Hamlet fall into this trap? I'll ask this again later.

Post your thoughts, with name and period, in comments.